Who likes being popular? Well-liked? Looked-up-to? Most people that mill about in our society are, in fact, intrepid entrepreneurs of hate, who cast the warm glow of Hell over all around them then bask in the aftermath – just look to TV’s wildly popular America’s Funniest Home Videos, now in its 143th full season, childhood favourites like Home Alone, or classic video games like Spy vs. Spy. Virtually everyone likes to see a bucket of water fall from a doorway, or anywhere, onto a dude holding an inexplicably plugged-in toaster/stereo/heart-monitor. It’s just in our nature.
No more Christmas presents in 3… 2… 1…
So, as a mischievous purveyor of misery, when best could you time your attacks? People eating or bathing are easy targets, but there is the significant risk that they see your assault coming and the full effect is not realized; sleeping people, however, pose no threat to ruining your moment of glory, so wait until your target puts their head down for a rest and then strike with the ferocity of a what-the-fuck-is-that behind a baby:
Donald Trump can’t afford this much therapy.